In just a short time we are going to be attending a funeral of someone in our family. I am at lost as to how to approach this with Aubrey. I don't know if it would be ok to take her to the funeral and let her see the person "sleeping", (I can totally see her asking when is she going to wake up while we are there and then for hours after... that is just her personality), or if it would be better to not even bring her and not make it (
A little more on Aubrey... we have had things die in our home... they were fish and she saw them go down the toilet to "a better place which we call heaven." So it is not a total foreign subject to her. But I don't think a fish and a person are on the same level, especially since it is someone in our family.
So any imput would be appreciated. I would like to have a plan of acction on how to handle it before the time comes. Thanks in advance.
6 comments:
i wish i had advice but i'm kind of in the same boat as you. I don't think brighton knows anything about death....i'm nervous how to approach it with her. so let me know how it goes with aubrey! if i think of or hear of anything that could help i'll let you know!
I think it's a tough subject, but I think it needs to be addressed. A coworker of mine recently had a parent pass away and she took the time to explain it to her grandchildren and it seemed to work out pretty well. I think the best way to explain it is to talk about how spirits go up to live with Heavenly Father but bodies don't and that's why she would see her. As for whether or not Aubrey should go to the funeral...I'm not really sure. But she will eventually start asking questions, so I think it's best to bring it up. It depends on the child though, so it is really your call!!
My grandma past last month and I took Tyler and Katie. Katie's still too little to understand. I spent time before she passed talking to Tyler about Heaven and having him tell me about Jesus. We would discuss it often. Then when the time came I told him that mommies grandma went to live with Heavenly Father and Jesus in Heaven. He asked questions. Not many questions about death, more about Heaven. He knows and will talk about how my grandma lives in Heaven with Jesus now. We went to another one last week of Kirk's mom. Tyler already understood and told me she's living in Heaven now. Good luck! Sorry to here there is a loved one sick.
If you guys need anything or there is anything I can do to help let me know k.
I know that this isn't exactly related to the topic, but I didn't know you had a blog! I have really enjoyed seeing little fun things with the girls and your whole family. :) You really have such an adorable family. But now related to the post, I went to my grandpa's funeral when I was 4, and the experience has stayed with me, but has not affected me negatively in any way. I knew that he had gone to live with Heavenly Father and that he was happy and not in pain anymore. I also have to say that I understand how it's sensitive. It's a hard subject for me to think of too and I'm not looking forward to it in the least. Love you!
I feel like I grew up going to funerals, though I guess the first one I really remember was when I was about 7. (I also had numerous animals pass away.)
My point of view is this, I think discussing the issue is important. She should know what happened and have it explained in a safe place like your home. As for taking her to the funeral...I'm hesitant, only because I myself don't handle bodies after death well. I think the funeral itself is fine--it's good to let her experience how other people cared for the loved one, but I wouldn't let her see the body. Then again, my husband let my oldest son see the body of his(my husband's) mother when he was 4. (I wouldn't go near the casket.) He didn't seem to have any negative effects.
I'm leaning toward, since the family member isn't as close as say a grandmother, I wouldn't take her past the casket.
I'm sorry for your loss. I sure hope a happy moment comes your way.
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